Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
