Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
