My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
