haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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