um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
