corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
