never play flip cup with pint glasses
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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