You work out of a Hotel?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
