you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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