I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
