ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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