You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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