I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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