just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm at about main and main street
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
