it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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