very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
