I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
