youre lurking in front of me
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
