I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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