If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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