i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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