Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
