ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
