for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
