The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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