you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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