at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
