WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
