Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
