How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
