I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
