and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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