I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
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