Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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