after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
