i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Michael Bay diarrhea
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
The Olympian is in my bed
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
