Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
