my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
