just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
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I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Everclear isn't food dammit
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I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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