So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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