I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
