Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize