cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
