this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
