We're like a lot better than the average bears
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
