you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Randomize
