So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
