So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
