No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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