no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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