Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
