i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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