how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
