Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
