they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
