does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
