I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
