Swine flu. Run for my life!
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
My cat gives me a boner
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I woke up under a house in Key West
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