if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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