you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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