Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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