genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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