so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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