I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
