You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
