She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I want a musical about memes.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
